just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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