sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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