Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
