i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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