where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
