Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
