the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
