woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
