Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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