I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
