Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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