the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
