Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
