oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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