Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
