But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
