fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
