tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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