So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
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Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
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I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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