I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
