How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
