dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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