Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
