i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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