So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
