The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize