She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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