Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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