I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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