ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
