wanna go halves on a baby?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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