Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
