Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
