I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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