I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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