Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
