Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
