not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
