If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You ruined the universe
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
