Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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