You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
