do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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