I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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