my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
