At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize