My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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