sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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