The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
