I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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