I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
