For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
