I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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