are you so shy because you have an std?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
