She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
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I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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