I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
