youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
