elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
