careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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