I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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