Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Can't talk, ducks in the car
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
