Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
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How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
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I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
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