Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
