Define "chronic" masturbator.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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