Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
