How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
