I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
