They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We talked him into tasing himself.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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