i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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