just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
