I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
