i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
