just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
