God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
