About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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