I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
she peed on how many people?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
