I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just gift wrapped bread.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
