So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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