Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My ATM looks so different sober.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
