I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
