At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
