FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
