Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
