We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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