alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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