i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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