goodnight i made you a song goodbye
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
