And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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