he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
