Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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