He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
